


Confession

by anonstreet98



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drinking, Gen, Hurt, Mentions of Suicide, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 22:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonstreet98/pseuds/anonstreet98
Summary: Finn stumbles across Poe one night and learns the darker side to the shining hero.





	Confession

Poe was a total wreck. His pants were covered with unknown stains, his legs dangling off the side of the catwalk.

Suicide wasn't uncommon in the Order. Troopers would turn their guns on themselves, if it wasn't for their acts, it was the only way to be free. Except for Finn. Finn was one of the only ones to escape alive.

Yet Poe wasn't trapped. He wasn't conditioned or brainwashed. He said himself he followed Leia into this new war. However, Finn saw that same sadness, that same fear, in this man. The look of guilt and shame that he'd once deemed as weakness under the thumb of The Order. He never looked into the same pair of sad eyes twice.

Now, every time he saw Poe, when the pilot thought no one was looking, that sadness was there. Finn found himself scared for the life of his saviour.

"You've already saved me once buddy." Poes words were slurred and quiet. Slowly the ex-Stormtrooper made his way to the broken pilot. Hesitant, beacuse he wasn't sure how to comfort this man. But he wanted to try.

Poe took a swig of something strong smelling in a small glass. Finn noticed a bottle on his other side.

"Poe, you need help." He started after some time. Poe turned to look at him, eyes red and shining with tears.

"Need, yes. Deserve? Nope." He popped the p, sounding far too casual.

"You wouldn't take that from anyone else." Finn rebutted, lowering himself beside the pilot.

"Their blood is on _my_ hands." Poe growled, his face shadowed as he turned away. "I fucked up. I Let. I let him in. I let that  _bastard_ in." Poes voice cracked. Finn stayed silent.

"I was weak. I fucked up. The galaxy, is suffering because I was weak."

"The Order would exist without you."

"YES! But, they wouldn't have had the location of the map!"

Poe's knuckles grew white as he clutched the glass in his shaking hand.

"They never got it Poe. If it wasn't you, it would be someone else."

"They nearly did! Then I got an entire fleet killed. Just to prove I wasn't weak. But I was. It wasn't someone else Finn, it was me!"

The glass in Poe's hand shattered, leaving behind deep gashes. He stared at the blood running down his hand blankly.

"I don't deserve to be alive Finn." Poe sounded scarily calm. Like his own death was something he was too comfortable with.

"Poe, please-" Poe shook his head.

"No. Not that. That's a cowards way out." When this is all over. Lock me up. Give the key to Rose."

"Rose would never."

"Then whoever wants it. Otherwise, take me to the sarlacc on Tattoine."

"Sarlacc?" Poe nodded, finally closing his bleeding hand.

"Yes. Weird beast. Its victims, slowly digested alive for thousands of years." Finn felt as though he couldn't breathe.

How could this man be so broken yet convince everyone he was fine? Poe was so far gone yet still laughed and joked like nothing had changed.Finn missed the man he never really got to know.

While Finn was lost in thought, Poe started to get up. The drunk man leaned too far forwards, and would have toppled off the edge if Finn hadn't snatched his shirt.

Getting up himself, Finn dragged the belligerent man far from where he could cause anymore harm to himself.

"What if I hadn't been here huh? How do you expect your squad to react. What about the poor bastard that would have to scrape you off the hanger floor." Finn growled, shaking Poe.The man had to understand. People needed Poe.

They needed a Commander to rely on.

Poe merely pushed Finn away, staggering back to the service door. Finn watched him go. Too hurt and too angry to follow.

Instead he took the empty bottle, and cleaning up the bloody shards and disposing of them.

His mind replayed the conversation all night.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
Finn didn't see Poe until late the next day when he found him in the command center. He looked as normal as ever, well Poes new definition of normal at least. A smile on his face that didn't really meet his eyes, coupled with a sickly visage and dark undereyes. One new thing, Finn noticed, was how thin the man had gotten. His clothes a little too lose for fashion. This had been going on for a long time. Poe spotted Finn, and strolled up to him casually.

"Finn, buddy, just the man I need." He greeted with false cheer. The hand he clapped a hand on Finns shoulder, wrapped in bacta bandages.

"Poe we need to talk."

"Yes we do. We need information on-"

  
"No. We need to talk about last night." A few other eyes fell on the two men, and a look of danger flashed across Poes face.

"I'm sure whatever happened can wait." The grip was a little tighter, the smile a little wider. "For now, we need you to provide any crucial information you have gotten from your sisters and brothers on the inside."

Finn dropped the issue, nodding wordlessly. Relief eased the edges of Poes face and Finns heart broke. Poe was right, Finn couldn't save him.

 

As the meeting, Poe approached Finn again.

"Thank you Finn. It's a shame we can't save everyone"

There was alot of weight to those words, and Finn couldn't understand why the man refused to see that truth himself.

  
"Don't blame yourself."

"Sure Poe." Finn replied bitterly.

The pilots dark eyes turned reproachful, something akin to hurt appearing amongst all the glued together emotions.

With that, Poe left.

Finn watched the mans retreating back, shoulders bent under the weight of the Resistance.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely! Thanks for reading my work. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
